Why do I experience anxiety that my new relationship feels 'too good to be true'?

Feeling like a relationship is 'too good to be true' is often a result of **past negative relationship experiences**, which can cause trust issues and make it harder to form new romantic connections [1, 2]. This feeling can also stem from **insecurity** and **low self-esteem**, making you doubt your worthiness of a healthy relationship [2]. Additionally, if you're used to chaotic or toxic relationships, a healthy one may feel unfamiliar or suspicious [3].

How can I stop overthinking and enjoy a healthy relationship that feels 'too good to be true'?

To stop overthinking, you should **actively choose to be happy** and recognize when you are in a healthy relationship [3]. Celebrate even the small positive moments together [4]. **Avoid pessimistic thoughts** and focus on the positive aspects of your relationship [4]. If there are no **red flags** that indicate problems, it may be your own doubts causing the unease [5, 6]. Try not to let past negative experiences ruin your current relationship [6].

Is it normal to overthink a relationship, and what are the common causes of this?

Yes, overthinking is common, especially if you have a history of **unpleasant relationships**, leading to trust issues [2]. It can also be a sign of **post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)** or general **insecurities** [2]. Overthinking can make you doubt yourself, and you might feel like sabotaging a good relationship before it fails, as a way of protecting yourself from getting hurt [2, 5].

What if my partner isn't very 'showy' with their affection but is reliable and consistent?

If your partner isn't overly expressive but consistently demonstrates their commitment to the relationship, it's generally a **positive sign** [6]. This reliability indicates they are likely to stay committed to the relationship for the long term, even if they are not outwardly effusive [6]. This quiet strength can be a reassuring sign that you have found a partner you can depend on [6].

How can I differentiate between feelings caused by past trauma and actual issues in my current relationship?

If your relationship **lacks obvious red flags** that would indicate actual problems, then your feelings that it is 'too good to be true' may be more about your past experiences than your present situation [5, 6]. It is important to recognize these patterns and **not let your past negatively impact** your current healthy relationship [6]. If there are no red flags, but you are still worried, this could be something to explore in therapy to help separate past from present.

Too Good to Be True? Don't Let Relationship Anxiety Stop You

Illustration of a couple giving each other gifts

Healthy relationships aren’t too good to be true. Enjoy them!

Say you’ve met someone, and you two are hitting it off. Every moment feels right. However, a little voice inside is nagging you, saying all this is too good to be true. After all, how on earth is such a relationship possible?

Your feelings are 100% valid, especially if you’ve been burned multiple times.

Relationship anxiety isn’t something to joke about because it is a persistent condition that can cause long-term harm.

But if there aren’t any red flags, why overthink things and risk sabotaging something good?

Being cautious is okay, but that’s different from constantly walking on eggshells.

Why Are You Overthinking Your Relationship?

Love should feel good. But why are you out here looking like it’s the last thing you want?

Why can’t you help but have bad flashbacks whenever you feel love is knocking on your door? Why is it that, as it closes in on you, your first instinct is to doubt yourself and run away before things explode in your face?

One reason for your overthinking may be post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Going by its name, trauma results in this condition.

In the context of this entry, you may overthink your romantic endeavors because of an overall unpleasant relationship history. And with that, you’re battling trust issues and other underlying problems that make romantic connections difficult.

Another reason may be your insecurities—the feeling of inadequacy, that you aren’t enough for somebody. And since you think you can’t fit anyone’s bill, you retreat with doubts clouding your mind. This goes to show that low self-esteem is dangerous.

How to Stop Overthinking About Your Relationship

Put your doubts to bed. Replace them with assurances in the following ways:

#1: Let yourself be happy.

When you start thinking your relationship is too good to be true, stop and tell yourself that there’s nothing suspicious or wrong with it.

Depriving yourself of joy will only make you miserable. If you’re so used to chaotic and toxic relationships, cut yourself some slack when you’re finally in a healthy one. Why deny that truth when you can rejoice in it?

#2: Take all the Ws you can get, even the smallest ones.

Progress doesn’t always come in big waves. Small steps matter, too! Even something as simple as surviving a rough day is worth celebrating together. Since you occasionally take Ls, embrace the Ws as they come.

#3: Say no to pessimism.

What-ifs are enough to poison a well of (healthy) optimism. Don’t let them linger any longer than they should. Why dread a green flag when it’s waving at you in the face?

#4: Stick with your person.

When your partner doesn’t and hasn’t given you any reason to doubt your relationship, that’s usually a good thing. Even if they aren’t showy about their reassurance, their silent strength is enough to tell you they’ll stick around for the long haul.

Don’t Kill the Magic

If you feel your relationship is too good to be true but lacks the red flags signifying trouble, it may just be in your head. Don’t let your past haunt your present.