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Have you ever fallen for a friend? If so, don’t panic: it happens even to the best of us. Yes, there are many fishes in the sea. But sometimes, the best catch is right under our noses.
Much like falling in love with one, dating a friend is a tale that’s as old as time itself. From When Harry Met Sally to Friends, we’ve seen it in both reel and real life. As much as you try to stop yourself, your feelings can’t help but leak out. And that’s okay!
What’s one supposed to do when they find themselves in this predicament? I may not have a learner’s guide, but I have some helpful advice.
So, You’ve Fallen Head Over Heels. Now What?
You’ve recognized that you’re both catching feelings for each other. You’re now left lost and clueless, not knowing what to do.
Yes, the idea of dating a friend is risky. If it ends on a disastrous note, the friendship you’ve come to know and love will end along with the relationship. But what can you do if your feelings are too strong to ignore?
First, you two should be completely honest with your feelings. I know keeping things strictly platonic is the safest option, but here’s the thing: your feelings will unravel at some point. Since it won’t remain cloaked forever, the best thing to do is reveal it on your own terms.
Since you two are comfortable enough with one another, there’s no point in lying about anything. This is one of the potential benefits of dating a friend: the comfort and familiarity are already there. You can even flirt a bit before asking the hard questions.
How do you break the ice, you ask? You could go with something like: “Hey, we’ve been friends for a while now, right? Can I tell you something?” From there, you can talk about your feelings.
Second, avoid ultimatums at all costs. Not only is that annoying, but selfish as well. The last thing you should be doing is trading threats. Feelings shouldn’t be used as leverage.
How to Transition from Friends to Lovers
Now that your feelings are clear, here comes the hard part: the transition. Dating a friend you’ve known for years can be a complicated shift, but it’s not impossible to navigate. Here’s how you can make the change a little more manageable:
#1: Go slow and steady.
Compared to your friendship, being lovers is uncharted territory. Taking things slow lets both parties adjust to the new dynamics. Moving fast will only add unnecessary tension and strain.
#2: Build up your emotional intimacy.
Building intimacy doesn’t stop at the physical part. Your emotional intimacy needs work too. Wear your heart on your sleeves and strengthen your new relationship’s core.
#3: Set ground rules.
Since your relationship has new dynamics, embrace the change by establishing boundaries. Some of the norms you’ve had as friends won’t apply as you become partners. Making adjustments will help avoid misunderstandings while creating a balanced environment.
#4: Face challenges together.
Shifting from friends to lovers has its speed bumps. Since you now have a friend for a lover by your side, you don’t have to deal with potential relationship problems alone. Don’t try to face curveballs alone. Letting your partner help does more good than harm.
Dating a friend isn’t (and shouldn’t be) an anomaly. As long as you approach this change with an honest and open heart, you should be good. Who wouldn’t want to date someone you’re comfortable being yourself with?
