Digital Body Language | Nonverbal Cues in Dating Online

Body language has always been a key element in dating. Sometimes, our bodies communicate things better than words do. Even a few seconds of eye contact can convey something to another person.

However, modern dating’s (mostly) virtual nature has made it challenging for many of us to apply that. How can we say something that verbal cues can’t when there’s a digital wall?

How we say something matters just as much as our words. That sound logic applies to online dating as well. Since many of us are trying our dating luck online, we may as well master the art of digital body language (DBL).

What Does DBL Mean?

Before we get to the cues, let’s first understand the concept.

DBL refers to non-verbal cues users send to others to convey their feelings and sentiments. Simply put, it’s a person’s online behavior or activity when navigating a platform. Emojis and punctuation are examples of such signals.

In the context of dating and relationships, it’s how someone acts online toward a match. They can indicate a person’s interest in someone else.

Compared to its offline counterpart, DBL is harder to observe. It isn’t visible/tangible because it’s used in the virtual world. And since we can’t easily spot it, online daters can have misunderstandings before they even realize what’s happening.

Elements of Digital Body Language

Author and keynote speaker Erica Shawan says there are four essential principles of DBL. According to her book, Digital Body Language: How to Build Trust and Communication, No Matter the Distance, these are cornerstones:

#1: Visible value

Everyone wants affirmation and validation. While physicality isn’t applicable in a digital space, appreciation can still be shown.

For example, say you’ve sent your match a funny message. The laughing emoji makes it known they’re amused by your wit. The reaction may seem small, but it’s enough to show how they feel.

#2: Careful/mindful communication

The digital barrier separating matches makes it a little more challenging to clear out miscommunication. And with that, word choices and delivery become all the more important.

Following this principle means being unambiguous in your messaging. Expectations are clear from the jump, and no one is kept in the dark about anything.

#3: Confident collaboration

Modern dating has an air of ambiguity, making daters a little more anxious. How can matches make decisions together from a distance?

The best you can do is give your match/partner the benefit of the doubt and trust they’ll make good choices. Don’t go pestering them to take immediate action. Constant doubt and questioning will only leave you stressed.

#4: Total trust

You can only add this final building block if you’ve fully grasped the previous three. At this juncture, both parties are no longer afraid of vulnerability, despite the possibility of (inevitable) mistakes.

Typical DBL Cues to Look Out For When Dating Online

These two signs should help daters like you take the hint:

Conversation starters

Who initiates your conversations? You’ll know your match is interested if they often send the first message.

Message frequency

Does this mean 24/7 back-and-forth messaging? Not necessarily. Consistency here refers to your match’s habit of communication. Something must be brewing if they take time out of their daily to-dos just to talk to you.

Getting a grip on your digital body language takes time and practice like its offline equivalent. It’s not a necessary requirement to successfully date online, but you’ll thank yourself later for mastering it—it’ll save you from a ton of uncertainty in the long run.