How the TikTok Viral "Let Them" Theory Works in Love

Admit it. We all like to be in control. It’s pretty powerful, right?

However, the moment a sliver of that grip slips, we either stress or panic.

As much as we hate not being in the driver’s seat, the reality is that some things are out of our hands, just as the “let them” theory states.

What Is the “Let Them” Theory?

You can credit author, motivational speaker, and podcast host Mel Robbins for this mantra.

By its name, the basic premise is to allow people to do what they want. In other words, leave them alone.

Worrying about others’ actions, choices, and circumstances, especially those beyond our control, will only unnecessarily stress us.

Is someone talking about you behind your back? Let them.

Did your friends intentionally leave you out of the loop about something? Let them.

Does this mean being a doormat and a pushover? No. It’s about releasing the burden of handling uncontrollable situations. Forcing them won’t do you or anyone else any good.

Accept that not everything will go your way, no matter how hard you try. Letting go of that urge to control them lets you zero in on things you can handle. You’ll have a clearer mind when you focus on more attainable matters.

Can you apply this theory to love and relationships? Absolutely. Here’s how it works in the romance department.

How Does the Theory Work in Relationships?

Applying the “let them” theory in relationships means letting people be who they are so that you can see their true colors.

You’re right to want a main character moment in your love story, but you don’t have to hold the pen all the time.

The problem is that we often try to push our expectations onto others. When they can't reach them, we end up disappointed and frustrated.

However, you don’t need to have an immediate reaction to every moment. Let them show their true selves.

The theory also saves you from a lot of anxiety during dating. The more you let a person be, the quicker you can see if they’re the one for you.

What Should You Do?

Now that you know how the theory works, here’s how you can put it into practice:

#1 Allow yourself to feel, even if you let them be

Yes, the theory lets you reclaim power over your responses. However, this doesn’t eliminate broken hearts and hurt feelings.

You may have accepted that you can’t change anything, but don’t repress your emotions. Denial will only make you feel much worse.

#2 Maintain your boundaries

Just because you’ve let someone be, doesn’t mean they can walk all over and disrespect you. Your boundaries still exist. Once there’s even the slightest hint of mistreatment, remove yourself from your situation and never look back.

The “let them” theory isn’t as passive as it seems. Instead, it’s an active choice to see what happens and do what you should do afterward.

That said, letting go will bring you the clarity you need when diving into love.