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We’ve often been told to open ourselves to love. Yet at the same time, many have also advised against wearing our hearts on our sleeves.
Why? If you were to believe that logic, showing our hands makes us more vulnerable to pain and heartbreak. And because of that, many of us resort to playing it cool when navigating the dating scene.
Pretty ironic, right?
Why do so many people play it cool? Is it even effective? How can you attract someone without coming off as a needy person?
Sit back, relax, and take notes. Here’s everything you should know about subtlety in modern dating.
Why Do People Play It Cool?
Various reasons exist behind this old dating logic. Let’s try to go through some and understand why some prefer the push and pull.
#1: Preconceived notions
More often than not, people play it cool because of their preconceived beliefs.
Some believe that expressing feelings freely is overkill, especially when considering the timing. You’re just getting to know someone, so why show all your cards? For others, they’re emotionally distant people who can’t fathom the thought of letting people in.
#2: Fear of rejection
No one likes rejection. Imagine breaking out of your shy shell and putting in effort to ask someone out, only to be turned down (politely). It sucks!
For some of us, that fear is enough to stop us from expressing genuine feelings. And with that, we preempt the pain by playing it cool. It’s better to be safe than sorry, isn’t it?
#3: Strategy
You may not believe it, but some play it cool as a part of their tactics. They either want to test potential matches or make themselves look more attractive. And since some people tend to want unattainable things, some take the bait and play into their schemes.
Don’t Be That Guy/Girl
Playing things cool is a tempting defense mechanism, especially if you’re an extra-sensitive person. The last thing you want is to look desperate and needy, yes?
Being the cool guy/girl may appear alluring, but it’s not as great as it looks. Sure, the mystique is sexy, but it has more cons than pros.
One, you’ll appear fake. You’re not only lying to others but to yourself as well. You’re doing yourself a disservice by pretending to be someone you’re not.
Two, you’ll just waste people’s time. Even if your match plays along with your aloofness, you’ll find yourselves going in a headless direction, not knowing where you stand with each other. Why waste time playing mind games when you can just get to know each other?
And three, shame is a wasted feeling. So what if you’re head over heels for a person? Falling in love is a universal experience, and nothing is embarrassing about that!
Wear Your Heart On Your Sleeve Anyway
Is vulnerability a risk? Yes.
Is it worth it? Absolutely.
Playing it cool is pointless because your feelings will spill over sooner or later. So rather than acting uninterested when pursuing someone, put your best foot forward instead, and be your genuine self. You’ll be surprised at how much better it is to be yourself than to pretend to be someone you’re not. You won’t attract something unless you make it clear that you want it.
