Mixed Signals: Examples and How to Decode Them

Aren’t mixed signals just annoying?

'Cause you're hot, then you're cold;
You're yes, then you're no.
You're in, then you're out.
You're up, then you're down.

The lines above perfectly describe mixed signals. You don’t know where your match or partner stands, so you feel confused and frustrated.

Katy Perry made a point in “Hot N Cold” when she sang about how that person was no good for her.

People who change their minds like they do with their clothes are headcases. It can be annoying, especially since healthy communication is all it takes to avoid this.

Why do people show such inconsistencies? How can you pick them up in the first place? How can you decode them?

Why the Duality?

You may wonder why your match or partner displays inconsistent behavior. Believe it or not, they have their reasons (albeit inexcusable).

One, they may have attachment issues, which often stem from childhood.

People develop their attachment styles through what they observe during their formative years. In this case, people giving mixed signals picked up unhealthy habits from their surroundings.

Two, they may fear commitment.

They have one foot out the door. Your sweet moments together aren't a guarantee of their commitment. They may love you today, but tomorrow, you'll be strangers.

Lastly, they may be battling personality disorders.

A person with borderline personality disorder, for example, may have trouble staying consistent because of their shifting perceptions and emotions. If your match or partner has a narcissistic personality disorder, they may take advantage of you for their gain.

Common Mixed Signals People Give

Here are some of the most typical inconsistencies daters display:

#1: They’re excited to meet but bail at the last moment.

Let’s say they have a nice date planned out. However, they call and cancel it at the last second.

Ask them for their reasons, and then think long and hard about their legitimacy. Emergencies are understandable, but it’s something else if they’re constantly flaking.

#2: They ask you out but don’t follow through.

They’ve been itching to ask you on a date, and you finally said yes. Things were clicking, and you both had fun. However, they don’t send a goodnight text or even ask how you’re feeling. This is bad, especially if they don’t even send a message days after your date.

#3: They swear they’re there for you but don't show up when expected.

Promises aren't meant to be broken, despite many saying otherwise. They promised to support you, so you naturally feel disappointed when they don’t keep their word. What’s the point of words when actions don’t support them?

Decoding and Responding

Get clear signals by following these ways:

#1: Don’t play the blame game.

It’s okay to be upset. However, it’s another story if you start pointing fingers.

Try hearing them out (if they explain themselves) and see where they're coming from. If you approach the issue empathetically, you may encourage them to come forward.

#2: Get straight to the point.

Regardless of whether your match or partner is aware of their behavior or not, an honest wake-up call will always help. Maybe it’ll knock some sense into them.

#3: Don’t take them as a slight against you.

Don't blame yourself for their inconsistent behavior. They're most likely dealing with their issues.

#4: If everything else fails, move on.

Have you exhausted all the previous methods above, and none of them have worked? If so, it’s time to move on from the relationship. You can’t (and shouldn’t) wait for the other person to change if they don’t want to.

Mixed signals aren’t a death sentence, but they’re something to be concerned about. You don’t want them plaguing your relationship.