Grief Is Love With Nowhere to Go | Mourning Breakups

To the world you may be one person, but to one person you may be the world.

Thus is the power of love.

Loving someone makes you project all your feelings towards that person. When that person goes away, however, your feelings find themselves in an aimless direction. Such is the reality of most breakups.

Some say grief is love with nowhere to go. Knowing how breakups can go, this quote is correct. You’ve had many plans in the pipeline with your ex, only for things to come crashing down and ending.

Sure, you’ll find another person eventually. But even with that possibility, why do breakups feel like a shot to the chest? Are we even allowed to grieve for them in the first place?

The Pain of Breakups

It’s no secret that breakups suck. A 2018 YouGov poll shared that 58% of Americans tend to have messy breakups. Awful, yes?

Post-breakup pain comes in both emotional and physical forms. According to a piece in The Atlantic, modern neuroscience discovered that social pain (like abandonment, for example) can stimulate many similar brain regions as physical pain. So, when you’re hurting deeply, recovery and healing can seem like a distant stretch.

The pain isn’t just in your head. Your body can feel it too. In a Healthline article, life coach and licensed clinical social worker Jennifer Kelman shares that heartbreak can cause demotivation, headaches, and an overall feeling of being unwell.

Why Mourn Breakups?

You may wonder why people take time to grieve even the most amicable breakups. Why cry over spilled milk, right?

Here’s the thing: breakups are losses. Not only do you lose your relationship and partner, but the hopes and dreams too. You suddenly find yourself alone, without a plan. As soon as both of you officially call it quits, the sadness and disappointment come marching in.

Breakups undoubtedly disrupt your life. Your routine is no longer applicable, and uncertainty clouds you. And with that, people should be allowed to mourn that loss. Anger, confusion, exhaustion, and frustration are all valid post-breakup feelings. The unknown can be frightening, and it’s okay to admit to being scared.

And because breakups are losses, don’t skip any of the seven stages of grief. Sure, some may get over them quicker than others, but there’s a reason those stages exist. They help you process and let go of your feelings.

Post-breakup grief has its own rules. Don’t expect the mourning period to be linear. You may think you’re finally on the way out, but one day, you find yourself back in square one. And that’s okay—it happens.

Going through all seven stages of post-breakup grief won’t be pretty. However, they’re necessary. You don’t want to enter your next relationship with excess baggage.

All Isn’t Lost

A breakup may leave you devastated, but here’s some good news: it’s not the end of the world. Grief is love with nowhere to go, but someday, your love will find someone whose direction is worth following.

For now, allow yourself to mourn your breakup. It’ll be chaotic, but riding out will make you stronger. You’ll thank yourself later.