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Few things are as daunting as the “what are we” question.
What are we?
For many daters stuck in a gray area, this question is a scary precursor to a dreaded talk. Your stomach may even churn just thinking about it.
As intimidating as the future is, you have no choice but to confront it. It’s inevitable if you want answers. Otherwise, you’ll constantly dwell on the what-ifs. Imagine them laughing at you as regret creeps in. Horrible, right?
You should broach the subject if you and the other person are in the same boat and want clarity.
So, how can you have this conversation?
You won’t have the easiest of experiences. Fortunately, here’s how you can navigate it with a clear head.
When’s The Right Time to Ask the Question?
Many believe that timing is everything. And there’s merit to that belief. You don’t want to catch your person off-guard.
There’s no set time to ask this question. However, you should broach the subject if you and the other person are in the same boat and want some clarity.
It would help if you have a complete understanding of what your relationship is before steering things into this discussion.
How Should You Handle That Conversation?
It’s normal to hesitate. After all, it’s a huge question. But how will you get your answers if you don’t rip that band-aid off? Don’t wait until you reach the point of no return.
Here are some tips to handle this necessary conversation:
#1: Make your desires clear.
You’re allowed to want what you want. It’s 2024, and shame is a wasted feeling. You’ve been hesitant for long enough.
Acknowledge and express your desires. Clarity shouldn’t be a tall order. Knowing and vocalizing what you want helps drive your relationship toward your intended course.
#2: Admit your nervousness.
If you’re nervous, good news: it’s normal. Your person is likely feeling the same as you. The nerves aren’t just from fear of confrontation. Sometimes, they come from a fear of committing to the wrong match.
You’re allowed to admit your nervousness. It’ll likely help diffuse the tension.
#3: Don’t put too much pressure.
Since we’re on the subject of tension, don’t make things feel heavier by adding extra pressure to the conversation. The “what are we” talk is serious, but that doesn’t mean you can’t make it light and optimistic.
For instance, instead of putting on a serious tone and asking the question, perhaps you can mention how you stopped seeing other potential partners or have uninstalled the dating apps on your phone.
#4: Do it in person.
As convenient as calling and instant messaging are, conversations like this should happen in person. The internet is ambiguous, and you don’t want to start things off in an avoidant fashion.
#5: Don’t demand instant answers.
Your person may not have an immediate answer, and that’s okay. The conversation just planted the seeds, so wait for them to grow. Like you, they need time to think things over.
The Ball Is in Your Court
The decision lies in your hands. Will you end your story here? Or will you pick things up and continue where you left off?
The answers you gain after the “what are we” conversation should help you make a wise choice. Make sure it’s something you won’t regret in the long run.
