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Many ask themselves (and others) this question as they continue
traversing the tricky dating scene. And honestly, I don't blame them.
With the many horror stories and unhappy endings, who wouldn't have
doubts and fears?
This dread is relevant in modern dating, but activist and author Barbara
Ehrenreich called it back in 1978 in her book For Her Own Good: Two
Centuries of the Experts' Advice to Women. Here's what she wrote:
In the post-domestic world, where the old ties no longer bind, all that
matters is you: you can be what you want to be; you choose your life,
your environment, even your appearance and emotions. Nothing “happens”
to you. There are no “can'ts,” only “won'ts.”
This paragraph is over 40 years old, yet it rings true today.
The point? Looking cool matters more nowadays than being true and
wearing our hearts on our sleeves. Apparently, the latter is
embarrassing, so they won't do it.
The internet isn't helping, either. Countless dating questionnaires and
quizzes demand instant answers. People now see the sense of obligation
towards a partner in a bad light, with some calling it “emotional
labor.” And as convenient as dating apps are, they make finding partners
feel like job searches. Things are rough.
Who Said Romance Is Dead?
As bleak as things seem, don't wave the white flag just yet.
All the stories you've heard about ghosting on apps and in real life are
true. You may have even heard them through secondhand accounts. Or
worse, you've experienced them yourself.
But all isn't lost. With every horrible ending, there are some happy
ones. Some daters who matched on apps became each other's endgames.
Others began as total strangers, while several started as longtime
friends.
But Why Does It Feel This Way?
Is romance dead? Because it certainly feels like it is.
If you're wondering why this gloomy feeling persists, these two reasons
can provide explanations:
#1: People only look out for themselves
Individualism is one heck of a drug. Looking out for oneself is fine.
However, it can be a problem if used as a crutch, an excuse, or a
justification for bad behavior or poor treatment of others.
#2: People want control
Since love and feelings are beyond our control, some daters want to feel
they have some semblance of it. They want to have some power over their
fate because they want to avoid pain. And unfortunately, this can lead
to toxic behaviors that may hurt others and break their hearts.
Romance Is Not Dead, Ladies and Gentlemen
Is love dead in this generation?
Romance is very much alive and well in the 21st century. To feel it, you
should let go of the steering wheel.
Let love be. Stop exerting control over how it goes. As much as you
think you can, you can't separate the potentially bad and ugly side of
it from the good. They're a packaged deal. When you try to do otherwise,
you stop yourself from fully savoring the experience.
It may sound contrary, but
letting gois powerful. When you don't try to play chess in romance, it makes
things more enjoyable. And when you have fun, you'll feel just how alive
love is.
Love is still in the air and is definitely in the cards for you.
