How to Rebuild Trust in a Relationship in 7 Steps

The worst part of a partner’s betrayal is that it comes out of nowhere. It’s an experience that turns life upside down, leaving a painful aftermath. You start questioning yourself, overthinking every single detail. The trust that is lost seems impossible to recover.

But if you think broken trust can never be regained, here’s some good news: you absolutely can!

However, both parties will need a ton of time and effort. And it won’t always be pretty. The pain and consequences of betrayal will rear its ugly head and try to undo all the work you’ve both put into fixing things.

How does the work start, you ask? These seven steps should teach you how to rebuild trust in a relationship.

Step #1: Bring the betrayal to light.

Getting over the betrayal means acknowledging it. You can’t just sweep it under the rug and pretend it didn’t happen.

If you’re the guilty party, the least you can do is own up to your mistake. Don’t even try to make excuses and justify/minimize your actions. Tell the truth without playing the blame game.

Step #2: Hear each other out.

Now that the truth is out in the open, give each other the floor to say your piece. You can’t keep quiet forever.

The aggrieved party has a lot to say since they’re on the receiving end of the betrayal. Whether that person is you or not, let the feelings pour out. They’ve been bottled up for a while.

The hurt is valid. Who wouldn’t be pained after seeing their trust getting broken? Put yourselves in their shoes for a minute. How would you feel if you were betrayed?

Step #3: Apologize and reform.

Since both parties have already aired their sentiments at this point, apologies are in order. The guilty party should apologize for their mistakes through words and actions.

What’s the point of apologizing if you can’t back it up? Remorse is more genuine when there’s actual change. Ditch the habits and mindsets that led to the betrayal and adopt healthier ones.

Step #4: Reconnect with each other.

The betrayal’s painful aftermath has undoubtedly affected your connection. You can’t (and shouldn’t) expect things to play out as if nothing happened.

Reestablish that fractured connection by spending much-needed quality time together. It doesn’t even need to be anything fancy; even little talks throughout the day count. The more you work on reconnecting, you’ll slowly repair your relationship, creating new memories in the process.

Step #5: Establish boundaries.

What do you accept and reject as you try to patch things up? Neither of you are mind-readers, so don’t assume anything. What’s the point of the rebuilding process if you don’t communicate your boundaries?

Step #6: Take your time.

Much like your first rodeo in trust-building, the reestablishment also takes a long time. The sooner you accept the long road to recovery, the less stressed you’ll be. Don’t rush!

Step #7: Reach out to professionals for help if necessary.

Sometimes, the weight of rebuilding trust in a relationship can be too much for a couple. Seeking extra guidance from a licensed professional won’t hurt. A third party can also provide a fresh perspective on your relationship.

Don’t mistake asking for their help as a weakness. An outside voice may even be a hero all along.

Learning how to rebuild trust in a relationship is a commitment. If one (or both) of you already have one foot out the door, you may want to think twice about fixing things.